BDSM is a giant umbrella term that covers all sorts of ideas and ways of gaining sexual satisfaction. It stands for bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism. All these fetishes can work together, and one person (or couple) doesn’t have to stick solely to one component and fetish.
BDSM works for both homosexual and straight people. Actually, it’s as common for lesbians and gays as it is for your average Joes and ordinary Jennies. Women who love women also love some leather, latex, whips, and other all-out kinky things. But do their relationships work the same as straight BDSM ones do? Well, let’s find out.
Top and Bottom (Dominant and Submissive)
The first and most obvious difference between lesbian BDSM and all other types of it is that the terminology isn’t quite the same. Namely, the dominant partner in a lesbian relationship is usually what we call the top. On the other hand, the submissive one is the bottom. The terms are pretty much self-explanatory, but there’s more to them.
In some lesbian BDSM relationships, there are roles like service top and power bottom too. The latter is what some also refer to as topping from the bottom. Either way, the point is that there aren’t necessarily rules that everyone should obey. Unlike in traditional relationships, fetish ones exist to deconstruct roles and spark new life in your relationship.
One day, one partner can feel like the top, and the other like the bottom. If that’s okay with the other partner, there shouldn’t be a problem. The point is to have fun and enjoy your bodies, no matter if you’re acting submissively or dominantly. The only thing to worry about is consent, as, without it, there’s no safe BDSM practice.
The 1980s SSC Practice
For BDSM to work — straight or homosexual — it must include consent from both parties. Ever since the 1980s, the SSC motto has been what many organizations and individuals into BDSM have abided by. SSC stands for safe, sane, and consensual. All three are necessary for couples to enjoy BDSM and sex in general to its fullest.
Due to its nature, BDSM can be quite tricky when it comes to unfortunate court hearings. However, if people participating in it respect the SSC practice, any charge can be dropped due to mutual consent. Of course, things aren’t as simple sometimes, but it’s essential that before you do anything with your partner, both of you say yes.
But the SSC isn’t the only code BDSM couples go by. There’s a certain RACK (risk-aware consensual kink) code that focuses more on individual responsibility. Unlike SSC, RACK is all about taking responsibility for what you’re going into. Interestingly enough, supporters of these two codes aren’t really fond of each other’s ideas.
Bottom’s Psychological Break-Downs
Although BDSM isn’t exactly something new and totally unknown to mainstream audiences, it’s nowhere near acceptable for most people. The thing is, not everyone can handle certain aspects that come with this kink. This is best seen when it comes to bottoms (submissives) and their psyches breaking down during certain BDSM acts.
This topic is related to all types of BDSM couples, not just lesbian ones. Because, just like we know, both men and women can break easily due to pressure. This isn’t exclusive to one gender. Nevertheless, to lower the risk of breaking down, it’s key for participants to slowly start their journeys into the land of bondage and discipline.
Just like incorporating a new sex toy into your bedroom, going into BDSM all guns blazing is probably the worst idea couples could have. Starting slowly and introducing each new idea gradually is what makes BDSM pros. So, if you’re a lesbian, don’t go all savage by whipping your lover, or don’t allow them to stop your breasts with their high heels immediately.
It’s a Common Fantasy
The idea of being dominant or submissive is pretty much the most popular one across all genders, sexual orientations, etc. Aside from multi-partner intercourse, some form of BDSM revolves around every other person’s thoughts. Moreover, lesbian couples who don’t consider themselves BDSM ones share much with this kink.
The reason why BDSM is such a popular fantasy is that its elements often trespass into other genres of sexual activities. From nipple play which is almost rudimentary in any relationship, to blindfolding and rough sex, all of us have a taste for it. All this means that if you eventually meet a new girl partner, the two of you could enjoy BDSM pretty much from the get-go.
In case you start a BDSM lesbian relationship, you mustn’t forget about safety codes (SSC and RACK). You can choose whichever suits you and your partner better. Either way, the point of fantasies is to make them safe. We can dream all we want about this or that, but if it concerns someone’s safety, it’s best to leave it out.
Some Lesbians Hate BDSM
Some women who are attracted to other women don’t really like BDSM and all its derivatives. This is especially true if they consider themselves to be feminists.
Namely, when it comes to feminism, there are two main views on BDSM. One is all about accepting it as a legit form of expressing female sexuality, while the other views it as women-hating violence incited by the patriarchy.
But can women-hating violence exist in a lesbian relationship? Well, yes — women who hate other women do exist, and they can be lesbian. Okay, maybe not lesbian, but they pretend to be so to attract and attack other women. However, let’s not get into this topic. It’s in the thriller territory, and this article is about fun and enjoying our bodies.
Even if we said many people — women included — enjoy BDSM as their number one fantasy, it doesn’t mean that everyone will view it positively. Some simply don’t enjoy any of BDSM’s essential elements (from bondage to masochism), while others, unfortunately, believe all the bad media that surrounds this fetish.